Update on Jasmine!

Hi everyone! It's been a while since we updated you on what's been going on w/our China adoption so here goes!

Some of you may or may not know but this past summer we felt God laying on our heart to move to the "Waiting Child" program w/our China Adoption agency. Basically, this program includes all of the children who aren't "perfect" by society's standards. They are children who might be older in age or have medical issues. Our agency, after evaluating our home, put our file "in line" w/this program and we continue to stay "in line" with the regular program and we wait in both until one or the other calls with a match. We made this switch because we felt God leading us due to our past experience w/the precious little ones that we have had as foster parents. We've parented a number of babies w/medical issues due to drug exposure and felt that perhaps God had been leading us this way all along. Our daughter, Lily, who we adopted through foster care, also has experienced a variety of medical issues and developmental delays that we're continuing to work through. Regardless, this experience and a lot of prayer has been the framework through which we decided to move to this program. Our precious girl will most likely have some medical needs with regards to a cleft lip and/or cleft palatte and will be between 7 months and 2 years old. We have decided to give her the first name of "Jasmine" because she is a precious and beautiful flower as her soon-to-be older sister, Lily, is.

As a result of moving to this program, our time frame for our adoption has sped up from 3 to 7 years to 8 to 10 months! It's exciting because we'll be able to meet our precious Jasmine much sooner but scary because the time frame for raising the rest of our fees also rapidly decreases! Needless to say, we're scrambling to gather the rest of the money needed for our fees. In July of this past year we made the decision to try and sell our house so as to assist with those costs. With the market slowing down considerably, even in our area which has remained fairly steady, we are hoping that we'll be able to get it sold before our match which should occur sometime in February to May of 2009 time frame. Once again, this too is in God's hands and we are completely dependent upon Him.

Once we get our match, we should be traveling within 3 to 6 months to go bring her home! We will be sure to keep this blog updated as our match day gets closer and we'll be utilizing this blog and our Facebooks to keep you all informed as we travel in China to get Jasmine. We'll be posting information as well as pictures as soon as they become available!

Please be praying with us that our house will sell and for our family as we prepare for our new little one! Please be praying that God will help pull together the finances needed to finalize this adoption! Thank you all for your support and prayers and thanks be to God who continues to bestow His Amazing Grace and Love upon us although we don't deserve it!

Staying IN Business sale!

Hi everyone! Times are tough for everyone right now and 4-Ever Family is feeling the same pinch that you all are. So, we've decided to have a "Staying IN Business" sale and open house to help lower some of our inventory and help us weather these tough economic times. On Friday, Dec. 5 from 6:30-9 pm at our house, we're offering 25% off of all of our items! You can partake of delicious Holiday desserts while selecting items for your Christmas list! And, we'll be donating 10% of our profits to Children's Hope Chest so your purchase will make a difference!

We have a variety of parenting resources as well as books by Tom Davis, President of Children's Hope Chest, beautiful baby blankets and keepsakes, Scrapbooks, gorgeous picture frames and signature frames and a variety of Willowtree Figurines and Angels. Not to mention all of the products listed on our website! We really hope that you'll be able to come! You can rsvp to me at donna@4-everfamily.com and I'll send you directions!

Hope to see you there! Happy Thanksgiving and Merry CHRISTmas!

National Adoption Month...

Hi everyone! Just a reminder that November is National Adoption Month! There are approximately 129,000 foster children waiting for their forever family. Are you that family? Now's a great time to find out!

Here's a new video from Children's Hope Chest unveiling their new expansion into Ethiopia.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvRwo2oAmec

If adoption's not for you, there are a variety of quality organizations that you can sponsor orphaned children from. My top 3 are Compassion International, Children's Hope Chest & World Vision.

³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. ³⁶ I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

³⁷ “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? ³⁹ When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

⁴⁰ “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,^[f] you were doing it to me!’

Exploring adoption....

Well, it's been a little while since I last updated. I was talking w/a friend today and thought this would be a great topic for my blog. We were talking about how exploring adoption in the beginning can be overwhelming. I want to affirm that...it is overwhelming in the beginning. Deciding whether or not to adopt is overwhelming in and of itself and then you add in the "adopt from where" part of it. Domestic or international or foster adopt? Etc, etc. What I want to say to you, if you are in the beginning of your journey, to not worry if things feel a little overwhelming. Regardless of where you are, take the time to check out various types of adoption, read on adoption, talk to families who have adopted, pray, etc. Take your time and be thorough in your research. Adoption is and should be forever so approach it that way. God will make it clear to you if you're meant to adopt.

For those of you in the Colorado Springs area, there's an opportunity to check out foster adoption a little further. Focus on the Family has joined with the Colorado Division of Welfare and various adoption agencies and ministries to bring you "Wait No More." It will be held at New Life Church on Sat., 11/22/08 from 10-2pm. You can register at www.icareaboutorphans.org and if you register before 11/14, lunch is free and included. This is a fantastic way for you to hear more information about the 700 children who are waiting to be adopted from the foster care system in Colorado.

If you have found some resources that have been particularly helpful for you in exploring adoption, please feel free to share w/us! One of the most helpful resources for us was a seminar called "If You were Mine" that was put on by Family Life. It was about 4 hours or so and gave information on all types of adoption. It was a great first step for us and kind of got the ball rolling for our journey.

Why does Adoption cost so much?

I know...2 blogs in one day! It's a historic moment at the Young household! I've been trying to locate my college roommate and yesterday we got in touch after 14 years or so! What a day....I'm still flying high, Nance, after our conversation yesterday! At any rate, one thing we talked about was why does adoption cost so much money when there are kids who need families? Why are people profiting off of that? AWESOME question! My guess is that there are many others of you out there with the same concerns. I don't have all of the answers to this question but I do have some ideas.

First, many adoption agencies are non-profit so the fees that they charge are to cover the costs of staff and running the agency. Many agencies additionally offer a variety of services to their prospective families (training, counseling, post-adoption support, etc) and those fees help cover those costs. Additionally, governments (ours and other foreign governments) have fees for the services that they provide as well. Some agencies that handle international adoptions additionally give back to the international communities that they represent by funding orphanages, providing toys and supplies for the children and even training for orphanage workers.

If these fees are a concern for you there's a few things that you can do. First, you can explore becoming a foster/adopt parent. Foster adoption is less than $500 in most states. In our county, most of the fees were reimbursed back to us.

Second, if you are considering either domestic or international adoption, here's some questions that you can ask to get a better feel if this agency is for you:

1. Is the agency a not-for-profit organization?
2. How long has the agency been in existence and how long have they been providing adoption service?
3. How many children have they placed?
4. Are adoption qualifications clearly stated?
5. Does the packet explain all the basic steps and timeframe of the adoption process?
6. Does it provide an all-inclusive and straightforward list of adoption fees?
7. Will they provide a reference list?
8. If international, do they explain the risks of international adoption?
9. How many staff members do they have for their adoption program in the US and in whatever country(ies) they represent?
10. Are they Hague Accredited? An adoption agency must receive the Hague Accreditation to provide adoption services under The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-Operation in Respect of Inter-country Adoption. You need to absolutely make sure that the agency you are to select is Hague accredited. To verify an agency’s accreditation status, you can visit http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/convention.

In addition, you might want to ask: Have they had any lawsuits? Are there any complaints filed against them through the state licensing agency or Better Business Bureau?

Finally, regardless of your financial status, you should be absolutely sure how much this adoption is going to cost you, including agency fees, government fees, orphanage donation/fees, and your travel and accommodations expenses. No agency can control the rise of government fees, such as fingerprinting, or the price of an airline ticket twelve months from now, but a good estimate is not difficult. Ask questions and learn the differences in agencies’ service. Be a picky and smart customer. Remember, it is your money.

An agency’s fees should not change unpredictably. While an agency has all the right to say that “Fees are subject to change without notice,” it is your right to ask what that means. Many agencies will now lock in your fee amount as soon as you sign a fee agreement. You want to work with an agency that does not have last-minute surprises or hidden charges.

If for some reason the adoption does not work out, an adoptive family is entitled to a refund. An adoption agency is obligated to make the refund policy available from the very beginning. Service fees should not be paid unless the agency is ready to serve and the adoptive family is ready to be served.

The willingness to refund unused adoption fees is a sign of a good agency. As long as the motive for requesting a refund is reasonable and there is still un-spent money in the family’s case account, that money should be refunded timely. No one wishes for a failed adoption, and no one can predict tomorrow. Sometimes things beyond your control do happen and force you to terminate or postpone your adoption process. So to protect yourself and your rights, make sure you understand the power and limitations of an agency’s refund policy.

(excerpts taken from "Eight Things to Know Before Selecting a China Adoption Agency" By Rev. Joshua Zhong)

The bottom line is to make sure that you get your questions answered to your satisfaction so that you can make an educated, thorough decision. Hope this is helpful. Feel free to share questions that were helpful to your family in your adoption process.

We're moving...

Ok, its been forever since I last posted. I have to say I really struggle w/how much to say on these things. I'm hopeful that what I share will be helpful to someone else but also worry about offending people. I guess that's the people-pleaser in me. Well, today I'm going to take a bit of a risk and share our latest adventure. We've decided to put our house on the market and downsize and simplify. I know.....we're adding to our family but we're downsizing? I think this has been 3 years in the making but neither one of us was ready at the same time until about 1 1/2 months ago. What really led to this was a series our church was doing on the 10 Commandments. The whole series was seriously, soul-changing (thanks Ron & Ryan!) but the week in particular that got us was a message on loving your neighbor. The bottom line that Jim & I came to was that we were too busy fixing up our house to even have time to love our neighbors and that our house had become an idol for us. We both decided that we would downsize and simplify because there are too many other things in this life that are far more important than a big house in a great neighborhood. It may seem radical to some but I can't even describe the peace that swept over both of us in thinking of getting rid of our idol and simplifying!

I'm not at all sharing this to brag or make us out to be some kind of spiritual giant. I wanted to share this because perhaps God is calling you to lay down something that you have made more important than Him. If so, I want to encourage you to go for it. The ways that God will bless you will far outnumber whatever you're laying down. For us, we'll have more quantity and quality time w/our daughter & future daughter and for our business as well as for our new neighbors. We'll be able to focus on what's most important and quite frankly, I just can't wait!

Grants and stuff...

Ok, as I said in an earlier post, I know we can't be the only family adopting who doesn't have an extra $15K laying around. I got all excited as I started hunting down organizations as I had 39 possible leads. That has now been whittled down to 8 real possibilities...all of whom we have to jump through all kinds of hoops to show that we're really in this. The scary part is that they could still decide not to give us grant money, which is their right, of course. But, this got us to thinking. If we're having a tough time fundraising, we can't be the only ones, right? We honestly don't have a problem with proving we're serious about our adoption, providing appropriate paperwork, etc. But here's what we are struggling with. When we started investigating adoption, everyone in the Christian community told us not to make money an issue. They said to first figure out if we were meant to adopt and deal w/the money issue later because if we were meant to adopt, God would provide. I do believe this. My problem is that it seems like there were a number of organizations (not the 8 we settled on) who threw up so many roadblocks to getting their grant or their help that they became yet another roadblock to adoption instead of assisting families in need. That got us to thinking about our business, 4-Ever Family and how much we really long to help others like us. We're now praying about either switching to a non-profit or starting a non-profit so that we can financially come along side families who are adopting. We still think that having certain criteria in place to help us determine who's serious or not is a great idea but I don't think we want to put families in a position of not getting assistance if their church doesn't come along side of them or they decide not to use our fundraising model.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you had a bit of a nightmare trying to find grants to help you finalize your adoption or have you had a relatively smooth process? What made or broke the situation for you?

100 Good Wishes Quilt

Okay, so we got this idea from our adoption agency and I'm really excited to try it. Apparently there is a Northern Chinese tradition that when a baby is born, family & friends bring pieces of fabrics that mean something to them and they make a quilt out of all of the pieces to get passed down. The idea is to bring their best wishes/blessings for the baby. The Americanized version of this is the 100 Good Wishes Quilt. We are going to have our friends and family bring us quilt pieces and we're going to make one quilt for Lily and one quilt to send to our future daughter after we're matched with her. We're hoping to have both sides of our families contribute some squares and these squares will all tell a story....give some history for each of our girls to cherish as well as our families' blessings and good wishes for them as our precious children.

Some people will additionally take a piece of each fabric and make a memory book out of who gave what fabric and the story behind the fabric. We may do that as well but at the very least, I want both of my girls to know how loved they are and have something special for both of them that came from the hearts of our family and friends. I wanted to pass this idea along to any of you who are adopting and want to have a special way to commemorate your special journey. I think that this idea can apply to any type of adoption and can be as creative as you want it to be. Eventually, we'll add this on to our website www.4-everfamily.com as we'd like to pass this along to all of our families there as well. Let me know if you've done a quilt and what was special about it for you.

Balancing faith and actions

Well, as of Monday, we're officially also in the queue for the waiting child program thru CCAI! Basically we'll be on 2 tracks until one or the other opens up. Now the crazy application process for grants begins! I'm sure we can't be the only ones who don't have an extra $12k or so in our pockets and now we begin the nerve-racking process of applying for grants and fund-raising. We're really hoping that we don't have to add to our debt in order to finalize our adoption but I guess we'll do what we have to, to bring our little girl home! We've found a lot of great sites w/information that we're hoping to soon add to our website so stay tuned!

So, for those of you who are Christians, I have a question. How do you balance faith & trusting that God will provide all that you need to complete your adoption with doing all that you can do to raise the money for your adoption? It really feels like a teeter-totter to me. I've continually struggled w/giving up my panic and anxiety over where the finances are coming from to having moments of trusting that God will provide. I'd love to hear from you in how you balance those two elements.

China update...

Well, we met w/our caseworker last night and good news.....she's signed off on us entering the waiting child program and we'll have approx. a 10-12 month wait on our China adoption! We're excited about this only because it'll allow us more time to raise the remainder of our adoption fees via grants and fundraisers. This will also give us a little more time to get ready ourselves, finish training, prepare Lily, etc.

One of the big decisions we've had to make is whether or not to bring Lily on the trip. We're trying to figure out that now because if we bring her, we need to get her passport going, etc. This has been a real wrestling match as to what to do. We are now pretty much leaning towards leaving her at home w/relatives. We landed on this decision because of the LONG flight there, the potential for her to pick up something while there (her immune system has been a little bit compromised since birth) and mostly because her routine would be incredibly off. She very much needs her routine and everything we've read says that the key to a successful trip is flexibility. Jim & I have no problem being flexible on our own but I think we would both be incredibly stressed out worrying about keeping her on a schedule which wouldn't be good for anyone. In addition to talking w/family and our caseworker, we also spoke w/Lily's pediatrician. In addition to the reasons above, they all pointed out that this will be hard enough trying to bond w/our new little daughter let alone adding in giving Lily attention. All thought that it would be a good idea to have that time to bond w/her before coming home. Obviously for each family, it's going to be different and you have to do what's right for your family and your kids. We would encourage you to talk w/other families, do research, seek wise council and ultimately land on what's best for your kids. We have spoken w/people who have brought their kids but also brought a relative or friend to help w/their children so that they could be free to bond w/their new child. If you've adopted internationally, tell us what you did. What made it successful or not and why? What would you do differently?

TGIF!

Well..this week has been a crazy week and we both feel completely spent, physically & emotionally. Business-wise, we attended the Child Abuse Rally on Tuesday. It was great to be there and we met a lot of great organizations but unfortunately the venue was set up in a way that didn't allow for a lot of interaction between organizations and people trying to get resources. There were so many entertainers that many felt compelled to watch rather than walk around and interact w/the companies represented. Still, we felt happy to be there and be a resource for the few people who came by.

Personally, it's been an exciting week to see God bring Jim & I on the same page as far as the waiting child program in China. Jim & I are very different and to have God give us almost the same exact vision concerning this program was very exciting. Additionally, we had applied for certified birth certificates for Lily's passport and they came in 48 hours! That has to be some kind of record for a government agency! There were a number of other things that also fell into place for us as far as insurance and some info. concerning grants...all together w/ the peace we both felt has started to confirm that this is the path for us.

You'd think we'd have no worries at all, right? Wrong! Today the time frame really hit us and we've both been feeling a lot of panic. It's one thing to know you have 3-5 years to come up w/the remainder of the adoption fees and know that it'll be a God-thing for that to happen but another to have the time frame shortened to 10-12 mos. Then today we found out it could be 3-6 months..oy vey! Talk about a miracle! For those who aren't Christians this probably won't make much sense but for those of us who are, how do you balance wisdom and faith? Wisdom says to not do this in the first place until you have every last penny saved up but faith told us that this was God's plan for our family and to move forward anyway. Bottom line? Even though we've seen God provide in miraculous ways, we're still wondering if he'll provide when it's time to go get our precious little girl. We feel compelled to be obedient but so long to see the provision before we move forward.

Please keep us in your prayers while we continue to try and be wise while stepping forward in faith. Pray that God will affirm the things He's laid on our hearts and be clear on His time frame. Pray that we'll have peace and wisdom to discern our next step and for us not to move too far forward. And pray for the financial aspect, that God would provide every penny we need. Hang on with us...I think we're in for the ride of our lives! :-)

1st post...

We have officially joined the rest of the country in finally getting our blog up and running! Yea! The reason we're blogging is 2-fold. First, we want to document our journey to our future daughter from China and have a way to keep people informed. Second, we want to give other adoptive families from our website a way to share Adoption and orphan care resources with each other. We've definitely had a challenging time in our own adoption journey to find quality products and resources so we're trying to bring it all to one spot. Check out our website at www.4-everfamily.com We hope that through our experiences we can come alongside of others on the adoption journey.

So, being new at this, I guess I'll just share the things going on w/our business and our Adoption process! Business-wise, I launched our website the middle of May 2008 and am working on adding 2 other company's products to our site. Tessera Publishing has some beautiful Adoption memory books for both babies and kids, so I'm working on getting those products added for our customers. Also, we fell in LOVE with Julian & Co's gorgeous handmade jewelry and can't wait to get those products added as well. I've also been researching some GOOD (Good is so hard to find!) children's books on Adoption so that we can offer those resources to our families and am in the process of getting a few of the good ones on to our site. Additionally, I have a TON of information that we're trying to put together and get added to our site so that families have the resources they need to look into adoption and orphan care. Oy...there are just not enough hours in the day!

Tomorrow we'll be at a local event called Connections for Kids Rally hosted by Pikes Peak Family Connections. We're excited to be a part of any event that raises awareness for community issues like child abuse and adoption and can't wait to see some of you there! It's free and is from 4-7pm at First Presbyterian Church at 105 N. Weber.

Personally, we are doing some research on how to better connect w/our daughter, Lily. I don't know if any of you have come across any sensory and/or attachment issues w/your adopted children but if so...You HAVE to get a book called "The Connected Child" by Karyn Purvis & David Cross!!! We're working on getting this book on our site but in the meantime you can definitely get it on Amazon.com AWESOME resource! Our daughter has some sensory issues due to drug exposure as an infant and this book has been totally life-changing for our family. We HIGHLY recommend it! If you want more information, just send me an email.

Additionally, we're praying about whether or not to adopt a "waiting child" from China. Basically, these are children that are considered special needs, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or developmentally. Lily is considered to be a special needs child due to her drug exposure and mild delays so we're thinking and praying through adopting a child w/similar conditions. We'll keep you posted on this as this could dramatically change our time-frame from 3+ year wait in the traditional program to 10 months or so in this program. Time-wise and age-wise it would be great to have our 2nd daughter be closer in age to Lily but we'd have to come up with the remainder of our adoption fees a lot quicker. We want to make sure that our family can handle whatever special needs this precious little one may have and so we're trying to be extremely thoughtful and wise in this process. Either way, we're just praying for God's direction and trusting that if He wants us to go through the waiting child program, He'll provide the resources and make that path clear. It's scary but oh, so exciting to soon have our daughter from China adopted into our family and have our family adopted into Chinese culture!

Well...that's it! A little snapshot into our lives! I hope we'll get to hear from some of you soon and if there's anything we can do to help you in your adoption journey, Please let us know!