Long time no hear

Hi all. It's been quite a while since I last blogged. I have to be honest and say that I've not really known what to say. We're still waiting to hear about Jasmine and could get a call any day although it's starting to look like it might now be June-ish because many others have started to switch to this program from the traditional one. We've gotten turned down for a grant from Shaohannah's Hope which was a devastating blow and we're not allowed to re-apply. Another grant organization keeps putting us off each month so we're not at all certain that we are going to receive any help whatsoever, which is also discouraging. Additionally, our house has been on the market since August and we had yet another couple today choose another house over ours. This after having 2 showings on a day that both Jim & I were violently ill with the flu. Despite my best efforts, my body is run down and I'm having dizziness from all of the stress. I am completely and totally discouraged. Everyone keeps telling me how God miraculously provided for their adoptions and how we shouldn't worry 'cause God will provide for us too but I don't think I've heard about anyone sharing their struggles in getting to that provision. Are we the only ones who are struggling because all I've read about are the successes with every family seeming to keep the faith and have miracles happen. I just want to know that we aren't the only ones out there.

Since I'm getting things off of my chest, I'd also like to say that I continually wrestle with how much to say in my blog. I'm afraid that if I don't praise God in every other sentence, people will read this and judge where I'm at or not at in my faith. Sometimes it feels like it's better to say nothing than be completely honest with where things are at. The reality is that today is a tough day. God feels more like the hard place today than my rock. I am choosing to trust Him even though my feelings are completely opposite and I'm praying that God will help the rest of me to follow. I am trusting that despite all of these so called grant organizations out there who seem to give grants to everyone except us and the lousy housing market, that God will somehow provide our needs for this adoption. I am choosing to trust that He will somehow sell our house on this side of eternity so that we can finally get settled and actually downsize and simplify like he asked us to 7 months ago. I am choosing to trust that somehow soon we'll get a call that our precious little girl, Jasmine, is ready to be picked up and all of our financial needs are met so we can travel to China and get her. And ultimately, I am desperately choosing to trust that my faith will be strengthened on the other side of what feels like a nightmare right now.