Tackling insecurities

Sometimes I think I should change the title of this blog from "4-Ever Family" to "Diary of a Mad White Woman (spoof on Tyler Perry's movie) and Her Family's Efforts to Survive Her." I feel like I've been trying to be all things to all people ever since Lily came along (ok, since birth. Who am I kidding?) and it's, seriously, DRIVING ME CRAZY! Good wife, good mother, good friend, good sister, good daughter, good Christian, good involved church goer, good exerciser, good weight, etc. Why is it, as women, we are always striving to be everything to everyone? For me, I don't think it's perfectionism as much as it is people-pleasing. I hate to let people down so I try too hard to make them happy. I am a big mushball and get my heart broken easily so it's even worse if someone's upset or disappointed with me. I have a strong set of values that I won't break for anyone so when I do have to take a stand on something, it costs me in more ways than one. I guess it's good timing to have gone to the new Beth Moore simulcast yesterday called "So long Insecurity." As it turns out ALL of my people-pleasing is rooted in insecurity! Go figure! Wow, what a day! My brain still hurts. If any of you have ever either seen Beth Moore speak or done one of her studies, you know how intense and deep she is. Yesterday was no exception as we were encouraged to ask God to break the stronghold of insecurity in our lives and see how God uses us to change our culture as a result. No small challenge when you consider how deep and pervasive insecurity is in our lives. How many of us will miss out on God's calling in our lives because we were paralyzed by insecurity? Beth Moore said that insecurity is unbelief in God. Ouch! But it's so true, isn't it? If we FULLY believe that we are dearly loved children, as God has said in His word, and that we have been FULLY forgiven, then wouldn't that be the ultimate in security?! The funny thing is that for many of us, we think our insecurity is security because it keeps us in our comfort zone. The reality is that our insecurity keeps us from experiencing the real security of KNOWING without a shadow of a doubt that we are deeply loved children of God and FULLY forgiven. "If God is for us, then who can be against us?" I'm so tired of letting insecurity keep me from experiencing how deeply loved and fully forgiven I am. I'm scared of the process but I know that God will be faithful to complete the work He began in me and I'm trusting Him to do what He needs to do in me.

I can't help but think, once again, of God's perfect timing in bringing this up in my own life at this particular time. I've felt for a while that God is leading us up to something although I have no idea what it is and now I can't help but feel that perhaps He's wanting to get insecurity out of the way so that we are equipped to do whatever He's wanting to call us to do. Either way, I don't want to miss out on the bigger picture and I don't want to miss out on my calling, whatever that may be!

On other fronts, the "flower girls" are doing ok. Lily was sick one week and Jasmine has been sick this last week and VERY cranky so we've had a tough couple of weeks as a result. Playtime continues to be a challenge so please continue to pray for me as I continue to try and figure things out. I'm trusting God to continue to prompt me and I'll try to be faithful to follow through on what He directs.

Well, that's it for now. I have NO DOUBT that I'll be posting a lot about insecurity in the next few weeks and months as God brings me through this journey. Feel free to post back if you have any ideas that you think will be helpful or even share what you're learning as well! In all of these things, we are extremely thankful for an AMAZING and loving God who has done far more than we deserve in our lives!