The new "normal"

Hi everyone! I wanted to write about this for quite a while and I hope I'll be able to articulate it appropriately (and - no criticisms please). I do want to preface this by saying that adoption has been the BIGGEST blessing in our lives! Not only have we been privileged to adopt our precious little girl, Lily, and hopefully soon, Jasmine, as well, but we've also gotten to experience the extra layers of adoption like getting a better picture of being adopted into God's family. Having experienced the blessings and richness of adoption, I would NEVER change a thing, if given the chance. Not even the loss that we experienced to get to this place.

Loss. If I'm going to real, I need to say that PART of adoption is loss. That's something that a lot of people don't really think of when they think of adoption. Many of us gloss over the loss but it's very real. The baby or child's loss of their birth parents, birth family and/or caregivers. The birth parents, birth family and/or caregivers' loss. And many times, the adoptive families' loss...of a dream, of a child through death or miscarriage, loss of their adoptive child's losses. Loss. Loss of "normal." It seems like often in life, things need to be lost before new things can be found. Even God, gave up His precious son, Jesus, so that we could be adopted into His forever family. God experienced loss willingly so that we could have a new "normal" free from sin and death.

One of the things that has been hardest for Jim & I, in our family, has been finding a new "normal." For most of us adoptive families, it's something manifests itself everyday when we try to parent. We have to filter our child's behavior and figure out what's normal for them. For some, it comes up at medical appointments when they're trying to fill out medical history that they don't have. For others, it's birthdays and gotcha days. For others, it's helping their child do their "family tree" project for school. Loss is a part of our new normal and we have to figure out how to help our children grieve their losses as well. It's a tough balance to grieve the loss yet embrace the blessings. I have some days where I crave having a "normal" situation where my daughter hadn't been taken on the run and abandoned and therefore she's not afraid of being left again, she's just being 3. But, having grieved my losses, my cravings don't linger there. I've accepted that our family will always have a new "normal" and therefore I just need to focus on how to best come alongside of my daughter and love her in a way that God uses for healing.

The new "normal" in adoption is one of the toughest things that I've had to deal with but I have to say again, that I wouldn't change a thing! I like tough. My daughter was saved literally from death in a couple of miraculous ways. It was a really tough road to adopt her but to experience the victory on the other side of knowing that she's safe and loved has been amazing. And to see God's hand in all of the details, in a way I wouldn't have seen with just "normal".....priceless!