Exploring adoption....

Well, it's been a little while since I last updated. I was talking w/a friend today and thought this would be a great topic for my blog. We were talking about how exploring adoption in the beginning can be overwhelming. I want to affirm that...it is overwhelming in the beginning. Deciding whether or not to adopt is overwhelming in and of itself and then you add in the "adopt from where" part of it. Domestic or international or foster adopt? Etc, etc. What I want to say to you, if you are in the beginning of your journey, to not worry if things feel a little overwhelming. Regardless of where you are, take the time to check out various types of adoption, read on adoption, talk to families who have adopted, pray, etc. Take your time and be thorough in your research. Adoption is and should be forever so approach it that way. God will make it clear to you if you're meant to adopt.

For those of you in the Colorado Springs area, there's an opportunity to check out foster adoption a little further. Focus on the Family has joined with the Colorado Division of Welfare and various adoption agencies and ministries to bring you "Wait No More." It will be held at New Life Church on Sat., 11/22/08 from 10-2pm. You can register at www.icareaboutorphans.org and if you register before 11/14, lunch is free and included. This is a fantastic way for you to hear more information about the 700 children who are waiting to be adopted from the foster care system in Colorado.

If you have found some resources that have been particularly helpful for you in exploring adoption, please feel free to share w/us! One of the most helpful resources for us was a seminar called "If You were Mine" that was put on by Family Life. It was about 4 hours or so and gave information on all types of adoption. It was a great first step for us and kind of got the ball rolling for our journey.

Why does Adoption cost so much?

I know...2 blogs in one day! It's a historic moment at the Young household! I've been trying to locate my college roommate and yesterday we got in touch after 14 years or so! What a day....I'm still flying high, Nance, after our conversation yesterday! At any rate, one thing we talked about was why does adoption cost so much money when there are kids who need families? Why are people profiting off of that? AWESOME question! My guess is that there are many others of you out there with the same concerns. I don't have all of the answers to this question but I do have some ideas.

First, many adoption agencies are non-profit so the fees that they charge are to cover the costs of staff and running the agency. Many agencies additionally offer a variety of services to their prospective families (training, counseling, post-adoption support, etc) and those fees help cover those costs. Additionally, governments (ours and other foreign governments) have fees for the services that they provide as well. Some agencies that handle international adoptions additionally give back to the international communities that they represent by funding orphanages, providing toys and supplies for the children and even training for orphanage workers.

If these fees are a concern for you there's a few things that you can do. First, you can explore becoming a foster/adopt parent. Foster adoption is less than $500 in most states. In our county, most of the fees were reimbursed back to us.

Second, if you are considering either domestic or international adoption, here's some questions that you can ask to get a better feel if this agency is for you:

1. Is the agency a not-for-profit organization?
2. How long has the agency been in existence and how long have they been providing adoption service?
3. How many children have they placed?
4. Are adoption qualifications clearly stated?
5. Does the packet explain all the basic steps and timeframe of the adoption process?
6. Does it provide an all-inclusive and straightforward list of adoption fees?
7. Will they provide a reference list?
8. If international, do they explain the risks of international adoption?
9. How many staff members do they have for their adoption program in the US and in whatever country(ies) they represent?
10. Are they Hague Accredited? An adoption agency must receive the Hague Accreditation to provide adoption services under The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-Operation in Respect of Inter-country Adoption. You need to absolutely make sure that the agency you are to select is Hague accredited. To verify an agency’s accreditation status, you can visit http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/convention.

In addition, you might want to ask: Have they had any lawsuits? Are there any complaints filed against them through the state licensing agency or Better Business Bureau?

Finally, regardless of your financial status, you should be absolutely sure how much this adoption is going to cost you, including agency fees, government fees, orphanage donation/fees, and your travel and accommodations expenses. No agency can control the rise of government fees, such as fingerprinting, or the price of an airline ticket twelve months from now, but a good estimate is not difficult. Ask questions and learn the differences in agencies’ service. Be a picky and smart customer. Remember, it is your money.

An agency’s fees should not change unpredictably. While an agency has all the right to say that “Fees are subject to change without notice,” it is your right to ask what that means. Many agencies will now lock in your fee amount as soon as you sign a fee agreement. You want to work with an agency that does not have last-minute surprises or hidden charges.

If for some reason the adoption does not work out, an adoptive family is entitled to a refund. An adoption agency is obligated to make the refund policy available from the very beginning. Service fees should not be paid unless the agency is ready to serve and the adoptive family is ready to be served.

The willingness to refund unused adoption fees is a sign of a good agency. As long as the motive for requesting a refund is reasonable and there is still un-spent money in the family’s case account, that money should be refunded timely. No one wishes for a failed adoption, and no one can predict tomorrow. Sometimes things beyond your control do happen and force you to terminate or postpone your adoption process. So to protect yourself and your rights, make sure you understand the power and limitations of an agency’s refund policy.

(excerpts taken from "Eight Things to Know Before Selecting a China Adoption Agency" By Rev. Joshua Zhong)

The bottom line is to make sure that you get your questions answered to your satisfaction so that you can make an educated, thorough decision. Hope this is helpful. Feel free to share questions that were helpful to your family in your adoption process.

We're moving...

Ok, its been forever since I last posted. I have to say I really struggle w/how much to say on these things. I'm hopeful that what I share will be helpful to someone else but also worry about offending people. I guess that's the people-pleaser in me. Well, today I'm going to take a bit of a risk and share our latest adventure. We've decided to put our house on the market and downsize and simplify. I know.....we're adding to our family but we're downsizing? I think this has been 3 years in the making but neither one of us was ready at the same time until about 1 1/2 months ago. What really led to this was a series our church was doing on the 10 Commandments. The whole series was seriously, soul-changing (thanks Ron & Ryan!) but the week in particular that got us was a message on loving your neighbor. The bottom line that Jim & I came to was that we were too busy fixing up our house to even have time to love our neighbors and that our house had become an idol for us. We both decided that we would downsize and simplify because there are too many other things in this life that are far more important than a big house in a great neighborhood. It may seem radical to some but I can't even describe the peace that swept over both of us in thinking of getting rid of our idol and simplifying!

I'm not at all sharing this to brag or make us out to be some kind of spiritual giant. I wanted to share this because perhaps God is calling you to lay down something that you have made more important than Him. If so, I want to encourage you to go for it. The ways that God will bless you will far outnumber whatever you're laying down. For us, we'll have more quantity and quality time w/our daughter & future daughter and for our business as well as for our new neighbors. We'll be able to focus on what's most important and quite frankly, I just can't wait!

Grants and stuff...

Ok, as I said in an earlier post, I know we can't be the only family adopting who doesn't have an extra $15K laying around. I got all excited as I started hunting down organizations as I had 39 possible leads. That has now been whittled down to 8 real possibilities...all of whom we have to jump through all kinds of hoops to show that we're really in this. The scary part is that they could still decide not to give us grant money, which is their right, of course. But, this got us to thinking. If we're having a tough time fundraising, we can't be the only ones, right? We honestly don't have a problem with proving we're serious about our adoption, providing appropriate paperwork, etc. But here's what we are struggling with. When we started investigating adoption, everyone in the Christian community told us not to make money an issue. They said to first figure out if we were meant to adopt and deal w/the money issue later because if we were meant to adopt, God would provide. I do believe this. My problem is that it seems like there were a number of organizations (not the 8 we settled on) who threw up so many roadblocks to getting their grant or their help that they became yet another roadblock to adoption instead of assisting families in need. That got us to thinking about our business, 4-Ever Family and how much we really long to help others like us. We're now praying about either switching to a non-profit or starting a non-profit so that we can financially come along side families who are adopting. We still think that having certain criteria in place to help us determine who's serious or not is a great idea but I don't think we want to put families in a position of not getting assistance if their church doesn't come along side of them or they decide not to use our fundraising model.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you had a bit of a nightmare trying to find grants to help you finalize your adoption or have you had a relatively smooth process? What made or broke the situation for you?

100 Good Wishes Quilt

Okay, so we got this idea from our adoption agency and I'm really excited to try it. Apparently there is a Northern Chinese tradition that when a baby is born, family & friends bring pieces of fabrics that mean something to them and they make a quilt out of all of the pieces to get passed down. The idea is to bring their best wishes/blessings for the baby. The Americanized version of this is the 100 Good Wishes Quilt. We are going to have our friends and family bring us quilt pieces and we're going to make one quilt for Lily and one quilt to send to our future daughter after we're matched with her. We're hoping to have both sides of our families contribute some squares and these squares will all tell a story....give some history for each of our girls to cherish as well as our families' blessings and good wishes for them as our precious children.

Some people will additionally take a piece of each fabric and make a memory book out of who gave what fabric and the story behind the fabric. We may do that as well but at the very least, I want both of my girls to know how loved they are and have something special for both of them that came from the hearts of our family and friends. I wanted to pass this idea along to any of you who are adopting and want to have a special way to commemorate your special journey. I think that this idea can apply to any type of adoption and can be as creative as you want it to be. Eventually, we'll add this on to our website www.4-everfamily.com as we'd like to pass this along to all of our families there as well. Let me know if you've done a quilt and what was special about it for you.

Balancing faith and actions

Well, as of Monday, we're officially also in the queue for the waiting child program thru CCAI! Basically we'll be on 2 tracks until one or the other opens up. Now the crazy application process for grants begins! I'm sure we can't be the only ones who don't have an extra $12k or so in our pockets and now we begin the nerve-racking process of applying for grants and fund-raising. We're really hoping that we don't have to add to our debt in order to finalize our adoption but I guess we'll do what we have to, to bring our little girl home! We've found a lot of great sites w/information that we're hoping to soon add to our website so stay tuned!

So, for those of you who are Christians, I have a question. How do you balance faith & trusting that God will provide all that you need to complete your adoption with doing all that you can do to raise the money for your adoption? It really feels like a teeter-totter to me. I've continually struggled w/giving up my panic and anxiety over where the finances are coming from to having moments of trusting that God will provide. I'd love to hear from you in how you balance those two elements.