Update on the girls

Hi everyone! In the midst of me doing my own 40 day challenge to journal God's love going deep in my heart, it occurred to me that it's been a while since I've updated on the girls. Both girls are doing really well. Lily completed the "Eel" swimming class at the rec center and will be ready for the next level in swimming. She's really come a long way in getting more comfortable in the water. She's still using a swim belt but has been holding her breath under water and jumping into the water, which is huge for her. We've got her signed up for a soccer class which will start the end of August, that she's really excited about. We've been trying to slowly introduce her to different sports and activities over the last year (only 1 at a time) to see what kinds of things she would enjoy doing. Last year it was swimming, gymnastics and ballet. This year we're trying soccer. She starts school 8/9 already and will do 1 more year of preschool. She's been really starting to show more of an interest in Jesus and has started asking more questions about God both at home and at church. We've been thrilled with the children's ministry at our church and have been excited to see her begin to grow more in her faith. She still has moments of grieving over her birth mom and we continue to support that process as we know what it's like to lose a loved one and have God bring healing from that loss. People always focus on the good parts of adoption but often skip over the tough stuff - like the grieving & loss that is very much a part of adoption. We have found, through the loss of our baby via miscarriage that grieving that loss was not only healthy and brought us healing and closure but it also brought us to a place of being open to God's plan for our lives. We never would have adopted if we wouldn't have grieved that loss. Thank God for His healing and His plan for our lives because now we have 2 of the most amazing little girls! We pray for that same healing for Lily and trust God to make all things new and bring good out of the loss.

As for Jasmine, she's walking more and more! She's still pretty tiny, so it's a trip to see her stumble around on those bitty legs. I'll try and get some footage to post soon. She, like the rest of our family, LOVES music and is fascinated w/the touch/feel books we have. She is curious about everything and so we've had to make sure that everything is as baby-proofed as possible. She is either ridiculously cute when she smiles and laughs or crazy annoying when she whines so we might just have another feeler in the family. Poor Jim! 3 feelers! She's started to say "Up", "Ball", "Dog", "hi", "Bye" along w/ "mama" and "dada". She still shrieks alot but it seems to be decreasing as she's learned some words so perhaps that's been her communication up 'til now. She also loves the water in the pool and has a fantastic time splashing. She's starting to do a little kicking as well when Jim or I take her in the deeper water.

This summer hasn't been as fun as last summer but we've still been able to get to the pool as a family and do a few things here and there. We're continuing to wait and see what happens w/Jim's job and will hopefully know more in the next several weeks. Either way, we're trusting God to take care of us and lead us to where He wants us. We're still incredibly thankful for our church and how God has used them in our lives. It's hard to believe that almost a year ago, our lives were turned upside down but God has been SO GOOD! He provided for our adoption through so many of you and has brought us so much healing and overwhelmed us with His love that we are often in tears. God is so good and we are so incredibly thankful for all that He has done for us and in us in this last year especially. I wouldn't trade this last year in for anything! Thank you for walking with us and we can't wait to see what God has in store for us next!

Day 1 & 2

So Day 1 was an interesting day. It was a tough day w/the girls acting out and it really seemed like the enemy was doing whatever he could to distract me. Fortunately, it didn't work but it did make things tough to focus on. My goal was to see if I can open my heart enough in my every day life "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." I want my spiritual life and every day life to collide on a deeper level. I want to see my belief that God loves me pervade every aspect of my day-to-day activities and see my heart change and go deep w/this "unknowable" knowledge.

So on day 1, I found myself wondering throughout the day, how this change in my heart would look. Would I be more loving, more attentive to my friends & family? Will I be more at ease & less critical w/myself? How will this affect how I interact w/my children? How does the grasp of "how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ".....how does that look in day-to-day life? I didn't come to any answers that day but I must say that being able to reflect on this scripture and aspect of God really did pervade my day and had me really thinking about my every action & reaction. I especially thought about my precious girls and that if I could get this down in my everyday little stuff, hopefully my girls will begin to get how God is in the details of their lives. Next to my relationship w/God and my husband, my girls are the most important thing in my life. I want my girls to fall in love w/Jesus and not just grow up to be Sunday-go-to-church Christians but instead become women who live every moment serving and loving Jesus and impact the people around them because of that love. I want to see them live out their faith and not just proclaim it w/words. So how can I model that for them and what does that look like?

That evening a friend posted a chart on facebook that was comparing "Super mom" and "Abiding mom". A handful of the points were:

Super Mom Abiding Mom
Does Is
Tries to impress others Pleases the Lord
Is controlled by an agenda Is controlled by the Holy Spirit
She teaches her kids to be good She teaches her kids to be Godly
She does things w/her children She builds a relationship w/her children

There were quite a few others along w/scripture but these were ones that most impacted me. Without getting off point, one road that God's love led me down was modeling his love to my children and giving me some ideas for what that needs to look like.

Day 2 gave me no new answers until the middle of the day and then it led me to realize that what I may need to do to kick off some of this change is very similar to how we take steps of faith or steps towards security. I need to make the decision in my mind first, take action and TRUST God to make the changes in my heart and feelings. I need to look for the opportunities in my day to day life and be purposeful in my actions and trust God for the rest. That is what I've purposed to do going forward. So I took a few opportunities that day to try and focus on the relationship w/my girls. I picked moments when we were all together (Lily had day camp in the morning) and tried to do things w/them that built the relationship between us. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Day 3....

Jesus Loves me, this I know!

I wonder what the world would look like today if all of us believers in Jesus, actually believed Him that He loves us fully and completely. Would poverty still exist or would it become extinct because people, so radically changed by Jesus' love, actually tithed to their churches & gave to charities because of gratitude & worship to God over that incredible love? Would children continue to languish for years in foster care or would there be a waiting list to adopt children out of the foster care system because of Jesus' radical love impacting potential parents? Would the divorce rate among Christians continue to be at least as high as the secular world or would men and women, radically changed by the truth that Jesus loves them fully & completely, strive to work out their difficulties in marriage? Would the world still be skeptical of the "hypocritical, right-wing, conservatives" or would Christianity be embraced because Christians radically loved the people around them into the kingdom instead of being known for judgementalism, selfishness & hypocrisy? What about me? If I can even remotely get how much Jesus loves me, how much will that change how I interact and treat my family, friends and neighbors? Will I continue to think about the cost to me or will I be so radically transformed that every time I give, it's out of sheer gratitude and worship for the God who gave His only son for me?

Our pastor has been going through Ephesians over the past several weeks and "Jesus Loves me, this I know" was the topic for this past Sunday. I feel like over the last year, we've really begun to see and believe that in our own lives and it has radically changed our faith in that short amount of time. We have believed God for things that we had never entirely trusted Him for before and our lives have taken on a depth that we had always wanted but never quite had. After this message totally wrecked me on Sunday, I started thinking about how life could be different if we all actually believed that Jesus loved us and, more importantly, how can my life continue to be different with BELIEF of this all-knowing, all-pervasive, radically-changing love? How will my life look if I let this belief affect other areas of my day-to-day life?

As I type this I feel prompted to try a little 40 day experiment. For the next 40 days, I'm going to strive to know the unknowable...to let Ephesians 3:17-19 pervade all areas of my life. "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." I can't wait to let you know what God does! Day 1....

Jasmine's started walking & Lily heard from God

Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I posted. We've had a busy last few weeks with Lily finishing up preschool, an open house to introduce Jasmine, Grandma Mary coming for a visit, Jasmine's MRI being redone and my birthday. Whew - no wonder I've been tired! :-)

Since I haven't updated on the family in some time, I thought I'd give you some of the highlights of what's been going on w/the Youngs. Some of the most exciting news is that in the middle of Jasmine's open house, she started taking her first steps! It was so exciting to share that w/ our friends that came! She's continuing to try and take steps here and there and her personality has really started to come through since the beginning of this month. It's been really fun to see her start to open up and flourish! She also had her rescheduled MRI about 10 days ago and we got the results back yesterday - NO SURGERY NEEDED! Yea God! That's a huge relief for us on a variety of levels. That should be the end of the tests that are needed and we are trusting God to work out the financial provision for those costs. Thank you God!

The other really amazing thing was that Lily heard from God for the first time! It was actually the next day at church and they were teaching the kids how to listen for God and how to hear from Him. Lily heard God tell her that He loved her and that she is very pretty and that God made flowers for her. How precious is that? What makes it even more special is that the next week at school and at the playground, there were a few boys that called her some names and we were able to remind her what God thought of her to counteract that. Our God is so good! I wish I had learned to listen to God when I was her age. Other than that, she seems to be going through cycles of fearing that we are going to leave her and wondering if we love her. This has come up recently so we've been trying to put extra effort into reassuring her that we are a forever family and she is our forever child. We chose her and we love her and we are not going to leave her. I'm not sure if she was triggered by Mother's Day and started thinking about her birth mom or what but we've been dealing w/that for the last couple of weeks. That's a pretty normal thing in adoption and if you don't allow the kiddos to express their feelings and talk about their fears, it will continue to come up w/more intensity each time. We've really worked hard to not take anything personally but to identify w/her grief and her loss and let her grieve when she needs to. My heart's desire for both of my girls is for God to completely heal the holes in their hearts and bring something beautiful out of the loss they've both experienced. I want my girls to fall in love with Jesus and see how He not only saved them from their sins (which is most important) but also from their old circumstances and to embrace the new legacy that He's given them. I pray that they'll be able to see how God was in the tiniest of details in their lives just as we've seen that in ours.

Besides all of the things going on w/our girls, we're in a holding pattern waiting to see what will happen with Jim's job. Between the economy and other circumstances, it's been a tough time for his employer. Please pray for them and pray for God's continued provision for our family. Whatever happens, we are trusting Him to take care of us.

God has continued to give me MULTIPLE opportunities to work on my insecurity. I've had to step outside my comfort zone and make conscious decisions in several areas to be secure and to brush off my fears of what others think. I've had to let go of "friendships" that weren't really friendships and continue with plans regardless of the outcome. Some things I've felt some measure of success in and others I've felt failure. I've done some overcoming and succumbed to criticism in other areas but all in all I'm thankful for the opportunities to grow in this huge issue. I can't help but once again think of how God is in the tiniest of details as this will be a necessary step in order to reach the next one that God has for me. I'm eager to see where this is all leading and see how all of the details are tied together but for now, I'm waiting and working on the things God has laid before me. It's hard to not jump ahead! :-)

Well, I'm off to get up my littlest turkey so I will def. try to update more soon. In the meantime, we continue to praise and thank God for His healing, provision, love and forgiveness. As one of my fav. worship songs says, "This I know, You are a Great God. This I know, You are a Great God. This I know, You are the ONE TRUE GOD, You are a Great God."

Lesson #2 with Insecurity - I am a dearly loved child of God

Hi everyone. Before I get to my latest thing I'm learning, I wanted to thank you all for your prayers for Jasmine. We will need to ask you to pray again in a few weeks as, today, after they put her under, the MRI broke down! They kept her under for 45 minutes while they tried to get it working again but to no avail. As a result, we have to repeat the test 2 weeks from today. Ugh! Frustrating to have to put our little girl through all of that again, especially after Jim took off the morning from work to watch Lily, but we're taking it all in stride. Thanks for your prayers and we'll keep you updated as the rescheduled MRI date approaches.

So, as far as my lessons with insecurity go, what I am thankful for in all of this is that I am a dearly loved child of God! It doesn't matter what I do or don't do, God still loves me fully and I am so incredibly thankful for that. There is nothing that I can do that will EVER separate me from His LOVE! Praise you, God, for your incredible love for me. Where my insecurity has come in has been in forgetting that I am dearly loved by God and feeling heartbroken over those that have chosen to "dump" me after 8 1/2 years of "friendship" and "doing life together." Why? I can speculate but really I have no idea. I'm sure we've all had "friendships" like that. The good news is that regardless of what others may do or say or how they flake, God will NOT! I was reminded of that tonight, as I was driving to yoga and a song came on the radio by David Crowder called "How He Loves us" The lyrics are:

"He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves."

Oh, Praise God for His perfect timing and His incredible love! He continued to minister to me tonight throughout my yoga practice, on the way back home and even now as I'm typing, the "random" songs that have been coming up on my playlist have been ministering to my very soul. Who am I God, that you love me?! Rejected by many and yet you see my value and my heart and regardless of those, you still love me! Praise you God! I choose to believe that I am a dearly loved child of God. I want to leave you with one more song that was playing as I finished this blog. It's called "You Hold me Now" by Hillsong.

"On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name"

MRI tomorrow

Hi everyone! I hope all of the moms had a wonderful Mother's Day the other day! Ours was relatively calm and peaceful so that was nice! I just wanted to ask for some prayers for Jasmine tomorrow as she'll be having an MRI to check out a perforation (sp?) in her lower back area. We're praying that this little area will be closed, in that it doesn't go to any vital areas like her bowels or her spinal cord. We ask for prayers for her as she'll have to be put under anesthesia to keep her perfectly still during the procedure. Please pray that she wouldn't suffer any adverse effects from the anesthesia and that the doctors would be able to get whatever information they need from this MRI so that she doesn't have to undergo any further testing. Thanks so much for your prayers and we'll keep you posted as soon as we're done tomorrow. The procedure is at 10:15 a.m. Thanks everyone and we'll talk to you soon!