Grief

It's funny how, in the midst of celebrating so much healing and blessings, grief can still hit you. I was driving home from the bank and a wave of grief hit me over our old church situation. I felt so saddened that people I had really respected and looked up to were no longer in my life. I felt saddened for the choices that were made and how all of our worlds were totally changed because of this. I felt grief over how that sin had affected so many and separated so many relationships because of the awful way it was handled. I guess I got a teeny, tiny picture of how my sins separated me from a God who loves me and wants to have a relationship w/me. How grief-stricken God must have been! The difference is, I'd never give my child for someone else's sin and I'm certainly not God. :-)

At any rate, despite that wave of grief, I feel so incredibly thankful for all of the blessings God has given us. I'm thankful for our new community and the friendships that we've made. I'm thankful for a house to live in that doesn't leak and require tens of thousands of dollars worth of repairs. I'm thankful for my precious little girl, Lily, and for the incredible blessing of a new baby, Jasmine. I'm thankful for my husband and for the job that God gave Him. I'm thankful for our new church and the fact that every time we go, God heals a little bit of our heart.

No new updates to report as of yet. We're still praying for the grant agencies to come through with some much needed assistance for our adoption. We're still waiting on our revised I-171h to come back from US immigration and we're finishing our baby proofing and unpacking. We've bought most of the items we'll need for our trip. And we're getting ready to celebrate one of the best holidays yet, w/my (Donna) family and feeling so incredibly blessed and humbled by all that God has done for us. Thank you all for standing with us and praying for us and encouraging us! We can't wait until we can share how God provides for our adoption and we can't wait to meet and share our new precious girl with you all!

God is in the present

It's funny how we can go from, on one day, completely trusting God and then the very next day, having struggles with that trust. I am absolutely amazed that, no matter how many times God comes through for us, I still have those moments of wondering if this will be the time that He doesn't. Crazy, isn't it?!

At any rate, I had one of those moments yesterday. In the midst of that struggle and choosing to trust God despite "how I feel" or "how impossible things look", I was reading "Gone in a Heartbeat" by David & Marie Works. Some of you may have heard about the shootings that occurred at New Life Church almost 2 years ago. A guy named Matthew Murray had gone on a shooting spree at a YWAM location up in Denver and then drove down to Colorado Springs and started shooting at New Life Church. He was eventually shot and killed by one of the security guards at the church but not before he killed 2 girls - both from the same family. The book is written by their parents and their experience and then journey to healing. It's an incredible book and I highly recommend it, if you haven't read it.

At any rate, I wanted to share some of what I read as it was extremely impactful and eye opening for me. This is pages 151-152 and David (the father) is speaking to a group of people and sharing about something He's learning. He starts to talk about how, to Catholics, God is fully present in the eucharistic elements and that they look at communion as more literal.

He continues, "Now as protestants, we may not take it that far. However, Jesus is at least spiritually present in the Eucharist, or Communion, or whatever your tradition calls it. If you take that idea of God being present at the Lord's table and extend it to the rest of our living, then you can appreciate God being fully present in this present moment."

"This is an important idea, for after all, he is the 'I AM.' With God there really is no past or future, because He lives in eternity and has no beginning or ending. He always was, and always will be. Therefore, to him, there is only 'now.' And if we see Him now, in this present moment, then we can enter into an incredible place of peace and rest. We will realize His coming among us. John 1:14 tells how 'The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.' He intends to dwell among us today, too. He is here in the very minutes and seconds of our lives."

"This concept had been growing in my mind ever since the Sunday-night-Monday-morning turnaround in the Hospital. I was coming to realize that I didn't need to organize everything all the time. I didn't need to try to run every show. God could well take care of that Himself, since He was right here, right now, right in each circumstance. Instead of trying to play God, I could just relax and play David. I was finding this to be wonderfully conducive to rest and peace. My anxiety levels were definitely lower. God was as present in my daily existance as He was in the midst of the most marvelous church service or personal prayer retreat in the mountains. His presence made each and every moment sacred-which, after all, is the root of the word sacrament."

"The words of Jesus in Matt. 11:28-30 mesmerized me, especially as rendered in "The Message paraphrase: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything havy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. How much better this was than to grind away in human exertion and self-doubt. To yield to God in the present moment was the key to relief and joy. I was fascinated with the word picture "the unforced rhythms of grace." God's grace did not need to be jammed into any preset mold. It would simply roll out in its own rhythm, a thing of beauty and joy."

He finishes with, "To believe that God is here in the present moment does not mean that we "feel" or sense Him all the time. Sometimes our antennae have no awareness that He is nearby. We have to go on faith alone. Regardless of our emotional state, the fact remains that God will lead us on whatever path is ours to travel. He is our Guide and Shepherd. We are safer in His care than we would ever be on our own. We can therefore trust Him with the outcomes of our lives."

Long quote, I know, but sooooo powerful! So I began to process this in my mind and I realized that God is in the present in our adoption. Our adoption is not in the future, for God, it's now. The money we need to complete it, is now. I need to let God be God and only worry about being Donna. That means that I do my part and let God do His. His part is bringing Jasmine home and all that entails. My part is getting ready for her by completing the paperwork, packing, purchasing whatever necessities for our trip, etc. I need to do my part and trust that God will do His. I don't have to do God's job! Sounds so "duh!", I know but it's such a relief! I get into this mode, without even thinking about it, and the next thing I know, I'm trying to do God's job as well as mine. No wonder I feel overwhelmed and everything feels impossible! But, if I can remember that God is in the present, therefore our adoption and all that entails, is also in the present and in His presence, I can have peace. God will do His part. Period.

I really wanted to share that with all two of you (ha-ha) that read our blog because perhaps one of you are going through something similar. Perhaps your circumstances feel bigger than you are able to handle and you feel overwhelmed. The good news is that regardless of your timing, it is in the present because God is in the present. Realize that you don't have to control it all. God will do his part, just focus on yours. Choose to believe that regardless of how you feel and trust God with the outcome.

Waiting

Hi everyone! Just when I thought we were finally caught up on paperwork, I found a stack that needs to be filled out before we go to the US embassy so it looks like I have more work to do! Sigh. :-) But other than that, we are caught up on all of the major stuff and have sent everything off. Now we wait. While we're waiting, we continue to pray that this one grant agency will choose us. They'll be making their selections in the next few weeks so please say a pray for us as they can potentially help get us a large chunk of the $10k-$12k that we have left to raise. We've possibly found 1-2 other agencies that might be able to give some small grants so we'll see. Again, we remind ourselves that God is in control and He knows that we have little time left and how much we need. We are trusting Him to provide.

Also, while we wait, we've been getting things ready for our trip. Lily just had her 4 year exam yesterday and, Praise God, the Dr. signed off on her going on the trip. She's even giving us a prescription for some antibiotics to use, along w/her nebulizer, if Lily picks up any kind of respiratory stuff while we're there. Please pray with us that all of us will stay totally healthy while we're there.

We're also trying to figure out some foods that we can bring with us (that won't spoil) for Lily as her sensory issues have caused her to be very picky w/food. We've found some great solutions and feel like even little details like that...God is pulling them all together.

I have to say that it's still really mind boggling to, after waiting all this time, suddenly be in motion and even quickly in motion! It's very surreal, especially to get "the call" only 1 week after we were told it'd be a couple more months. I'm still trying to get my mind wrapped around the fact that this precious little girl is ours and that we'll be leaving to get her very soon! It's wild to think back about when we started to pray for her. Lily was about 2 1/2 years old and Jasmine must have been about 3 months in utero. God had us praying for her, even before she was born. He had us praying for her, probably right about the time her birth mommy found out she was pregnant. Wow! Which brings me right back to how amazing it is to think of how God is in the tiniest of details!

Well, once we get to the next step, we'll let you know. Thanks for all of your prayers and we'll talk to you soon!

I'm counting on God....

God is so good! We have felt so humbled these past couple of days as, despite some fears of "will God provide?", we have had several people give us checks to help w/our adoption. None are big amounts and yet every amount counts and we are so humbled that anyone would give money to help us. Praise God for His perfect timing in knowing exactly when we need the encouragement. To top it off, every time we go to church, we feel God encouraging us in some way or healing our hearts in some way. Today, the very first song was "I'm counting on God" by Desperation Band. Once again, in multiple ways, God reminds us that He has this adoption taken care of down to the tiniest detail. Praise God for His provision. We don't know how He's going to come through, but He does! We are so incredibly thankful and blessed. Thank you all for your prayers and support! You are all making a difference in our lives and we are also thankful for you. :-)

We all had a great weekend together as a family. We're finishing up some horseback riding lessons and were able to go together yesterday. It was great, in the midst of all of the crazy paperwork, to have some fun together also. We're really trying to pace ourselves in all of this so that we don't burn out and get sick right before leaving for China. We were able to get this last round of paperwork off and our China visas applied for so we can relax until the next round comes through. :-)

Prayer-wise, please continue to pray for God's provision for the remainder of our adoption funds and for our good health to continue. I have felt God's hand on us and I KNOW that it is because of Him that we have stayed healthy and strong despite the stress and craziness. Most of all, pray that we will continue to depend on Him for every single step and that we will continue to count on Him for our every need.

Thanks to all of you who are participating in our coffee fundraiser! I think I told you but we have heard GREAT reports about the quality of the coffee and the promptness of delivery. Yea God! Please continue to pass along to all those coffee-loving-wanna-give-to-a-good-cause kind of folks.

Praise God for this season of blessing in our lives and praise God for all of you who have come alongside of us! Thank you all and as always, we'll continue to keep you posted! :-)

We received our LOA!!!

Hi everyone! We want to thank you all for your support and prayers! It's funny because we've been waiting for 2+ years and now all of the sudden, we have our match and everything is moving like gangbusters! It's hard to keep up with everything. So the latest is that we were waiting to get back our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) back from the CCAA (Chinese gov.) which we were told would take about 1 month. 1 week later (which was 1 week ago), we received our LOA!

What happens now is a two-fold process. First, we have to sign this LOA and send it back to our agency who then forwards it to the CCAA. Second, before the LOA can be sent back to the CCAA, we have to get our revised immigration form from the United States immigration called the I171-h. This has to be revised because we moved and it has to be tailored to the exact child that we are adopting because she has special needs. (Confusing, I know.) So, our updated home study has been sent to US immigration to provide the info. they need to revise our I171-h. We are told this will take about 1 month. Once we get that revised I171-h form back, we'll be traveling in 5-8 weeks from then!

In the meantime, we have been filling out more paperwork, applying for visas, washing baby clothes, searching for grants, etc. Please continue to pray for us that we'll be able to raise enough money in time! Pray for us in December as there is 1 grant agency that is reviewing our application. Please pray for God's direction for them and His provision for us. At this point, we could be traveling anytime from December to January time frame! We are so excited to meet our little sweetie-pie and we thank God every night for finally bringing us our new little girl.

On a side note, we have settled on a final full name for our little girl. Her name is Jasmine Yi Jing Young. Yi (pronounced "eee") means art or skill and Jing (zhing) means still or quiet. We will definitely keep you all posted as we get closer and closer to traveling to China! Please stay posted on our blog as we will be trying to update every single day while we are in China, with pictures and stories of our trip. We want to try and share every detail with you all so that you can experience China with us.